Some people by nature are quite boorish, others are more genteel.
This doesn't mean the quiet types don't have strong convictions, rather they are more likely to keep the peace instead of inviting potential conflict. For the quiet types, the good news is that there is another way.
If you are dealing with someone who is opinionated and loud, they can be dealt with quite effectively, so long as you don't get wound up in the emotion of the situation and stay focused on the outcome you are after.
Quite often the other person just wants to be heard. It doesn't hurt to hear them out until they run out of steam. But, it is important to have a right of reply if the situation warrants.
For the unassertive ones among us, this is the hard part. For some people it can be quite a step to respond with what you really want to say, rather than what the other person wants to hear.
This task does become easier in time, and like everything, the more you practice the more natural it becomes. The reality of a situation is rarely as dire as what plays in your mind. If you can maintain a sense of calm, and really understand what is being said, it will be much easier to respond in a meaningful manner.
An example of this is still vivid in my mind, even though it happened many years ago. I was sitting in a meeting with two farmers - a father and son - who were discussing the future of the farming enterprise. The situation became quite heated and for a while I wondered whether I would be required to physically step in. None of the anger was directed towards me, but needless to say, the temperature in the room did rise substantially.
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Fortunately, I didn't end up getting involved in the verbal fracas, and after I reminded them that we were in my office and not out in the paddock, the mood somewhat settled. By not getting emotionally involved in what was being said, I was able to see what was really going on, and based on those observations, was able to lead the discussion to a successful conclusion.
The other lesson I learnt during that experience was that not everyone communicates the same way you do, and it's best not to make assumptions that everyone is on the same page as you.
Another practice I picked up over the years is to not believe everything people are saying about you. Most of the time they are putting their own spin on their point of view, and this often happens on a subconscious level.
Being present in the moment and aware of what is actually being said will let you navigate personal and professional conversations much more effectively. And if it doesn't work out, you are safe in the knowledge that the other person really wasn't after a resolution in the first place, and you have done your best.
When this happens, it's best to move on and not dwell on it. No one can tell you how to react to certain situations - that power totally resides with you.
- Details: bagshawagriconsulting.com.au
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