Comment

The Ringer urges the Eastern Young Cattle Indicator to "wake up"

By The Ringer
Updated November 30 2021 - 12:03am, first published November 26 2021 - 9:30am
CAUTION: With cattle prices going ballistic, it was about time someone penned a letter to the Eastern Young Cattle Indicator and put it in its place. Picture: Shutterstock.

Dear Eastern Young Cattle Indicator, or "EYCI" as you so proudly wear the title,

GET down from there this instance or you'll break your flamin' neck.

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For goodness sake, cut-out these reckless shenanigans.

Do you think it's funny, all this galavantly to new heights and unheard-of places?

Oh yes, you're a big man alright; all ego-inflated, reaching the stratosphere, touching the stars, brushing the heavens, blah, blah, blah, but where's it all going to end?

That is a long, long way to fall, and I suspect your planned careful descent through gradual, realistic and considered price easings may give way to a sudden slip leaving you to resort to the reserve parachute (government support).

There are plenty of people that are worried sick about you and your recent behaviour, namely machinery dealers, rural outfitters and quite possibly coastal AirBNB venues over the holiday period.

They've got families, mortgages and down payments on 2023 Toyota Prados to pay off too, you know.

You've got livestock producers living like avocado growers and it's just not fair. Be reasonable and think about how much it costs to deck the entire family out in RM boots for updated family photos.

Mark my words, you've got a fall coming and it's going to hurt like a steel slippery slide at noon.

Oh yes, we've heard all the excuses: The rain made you do it; the rise in foreign consumption pushed you; the big retailers desperate to fill quotas as COVID-19 restrictions egged you on, but have a think for a minute.

HIGHER: The EYCI is showing careless regard for heights as cattle prices edge northwards.

Tell me, if the restockers told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?

Have a good long look at yourself; dangling at some 290c above this time last year. It's lunacy.

Stop to think about the influence you're having on your cousin, Stud Bull Market. He's got it all in his head now that he can just break records willy-nilly having seen what you're doing.

Your actions have consequences, one being that poor rural reporters are now struggling to come up with new superlative terms to describe this behaviour of yours.

I suspect part of this "ascension to heights ridiculous" is partly fuelled by a grim desire to drive out every beef sector commentator from the woodwork to throw their two-bob's worth in.

There are only so many times one can read that such-and-such sends out a "cautionary warning" on whether the industry can sustain your antics.

Don't give me that "El Nino's a safe bet now" malarkey- you might as well bet the farm on Keno and be done with it.

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Speaking of cautionary tales, it's about time you had a chat with your distant uncle, 1991 Australian Wool Price Reserve Scheme and see what he has to say about dizzying heights.

No one wants to see you crash, particularly those who've just splashed out to have remote sensing installed on all their water points or bought out the neighbours.

He'll tell you straight and clear that things go pear-shaped pretty quickly if you lose your balance from up there.

It wouldn't hurt putting in a call to Sugar Price 1974 either; she knows a thing or two about how slippery things can get.

So wake-up to yourself before you, and a lot of other people, get hurt.

Know that I write this purely out of concern for your own wellbeing.

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No one wants to see you crash, particularly those who've just splashed out to have remote sensing installed on all their water points or bought out the neighbours.

So please, do the right thing; come down from there before you hurt yourself, and others by making us all read the inevitable "I told you so" columns that are sure to emerge from every stock agent who sold a pen since 1954.

Yours sincerely,

The Ringer

  • The Ringer would like to thank Ashley Walmsley for his assistance in drafting this piece of nonsense.

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